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Be confident
Don't be timid. People are drawn to those who are secure in who they are. Leave your insecurities at home, don't be self-effacing, and don't worry about failure or disapproval. Confidence does not equal arrogance, just believing in yourself.
Be yourself
Part of being confident is being yourself, not the person you think they want. The only way to find out if you are both compatible, in the long run, is to be honest about who you each are individually.
Be on time
The first impression you make on someone, before a word comes out of your mouth, is how punctual you are. Too early and you seem over-eager, too late and you give them the impression that you don't respect them or their time. Keep their phone number handy, so if unforeseen circumstances (i.e. traffic) are making you late, you can keep them informed.
Pick a comfortable location
The key to a good first date is good conversation: choose a location with that in mind. Rather than the over-used dinner and a movie, take your date to a museum or the zoo, where the activity and conversation can happen concurrently.
Be prepared
Make your reservations beforehand. Know the hours places open and close, or what time the movie and show starts. Have a back-up plan in case something falls through.
Look them in the eyes
Eye contact says, "I'm secure and interested." Don't stare, but stay present and engaged, and be sure they know they are the most important thing in the room.
Use compliments
Be creative, unique and genuine... but most importantly, be honest. If you note something that piques your interest, don't be afraid to let them know.
Relax!
Enjoy the evening for what it is, and the person for who they are, and don't worry about every detail. It's okay to acknowledge feeling nervous out loud. Your date is nervous as well, and acknowledging it is flattering and helps defuse the nerves.
Have conversation starters ready
Bring up some of the interests you shared in prior emails or conversations. Ask open-ended questions, that require them to elaborate with their answers, rather than yes/no questions.
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Do not talk about previous relationships
Exes are part of what made you who you are, but sharing those stories suggests that you are still focusing are them, either still pining for a past love, or holding on to anger. Focus on the new, not the old.
Do not over-drink
We all get nervous and relax with a drink or two but don't over-indulge, or you'll neglect all this advice, and more importantly... your date.
Do not use your cell phone
Your date should feel they are the most important thing to you. Taking phone calls or texting during the date suggests to them you'd rather be doing something else. If there are special circumstances that might require you to use your phone, inform your date beforehand, apologize, and excuse yourself if necessary.
Don't chase your date
Show interest in your date, but don't be needy or expect more out of the evening. You're not planning the rest of your life, you're having one evening. To suggest otherwise is creepy, and there is nothing worse to be on a date than creepy.
Keep your skeletons in your closet
Just as talking about exes suggests that you haven't let go of the past, so does focusing on past dramas or indiscretions. Focus on who you are now, not how you got there.
Make your date comfortable
Crack a joke, admit your own nerves, get them talking about themselves, and always show interest. Let them know you are there to find out about them, not tell them everything about you.
Conversation, not interrogation
When asking personal questions of your date, be sure you're not trying to dredge up their past. You don't need to know everything you can, so try and keep it light, and always keep a careful gague on their comfort level.
If you have a good time, let them know
The best compliment at the end of the night is to let them know you enjoyed their company, and that you'd like to do it again sometime.
Say thanks
Whether or not you intend to go out again, always be courteous and polite. |
